The Left Lane is for Passing Only!
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May After recently completing a 7-day 4,000+ mile road-trip to Killeen, TX (way-points included such tourist hotspots as Lordsburg, NM, Grants, NM and Kayneta, AZ) I have the following unalienable observation I would like to share:
Driver’s Education in the state of California is not effective: This is not new news to me. I routinely traverse Los Angeles-area freeways (I have invented many colorful and profane colloquialisms that unfortunately cannot be published here to describe local driving habits) but even rolling deep through other states the odds were high that whenever I saw some unbelievable act of stupidity on the highway, said vehicle wore a CA plate. As a result, I am going to impose some new rules for all of us…
- Barreling down the road at 75+ mph is not the time to apply eyeliner, guyliner, or any other type of liner. Seriously, you are piloting a 3500 lb weapon and we don’t want to get into an accident because you are late for work. Okay? Please forego the Revlon until you make it to your office!
- A sign that indicates that the “Left Lane Closed Ahead,” is not the opportunity for you to practice your hostile merging skills (we all know how well that worked on your last date). The helpful directional sign is there to let you know that you should merge to the right as quickly as possible so as not to impede the flow of traffic. Why is there traffic? Because you are causing it by waiting to the last minute to try to merge into the right lane, and all of the drivers who have already moved to the right lane are not going to let you in. So begins the epic duel of slow-motion macho posturing!
- Seriously, do I have to even say this? Stop twittering, emailing, texting, sexting or even talking on your cell phone while driving. Get a hands free device and check the score when you arrive to where you are traveling. By the way, on this rule, do as I say, not as I do. :)
Ladies and Gentlemen, we can do this. Remember that golden rule? It even works behind the wheel.
As a southern California resident and driver, I find these suggestions particularly unreasonable and untenable, especially number 1. I DO NOT HAVE A MIRROR IN MY OFFICE WITH WHICH TO APPLY EYE/GUYLINER, SIR!
If I can’t tweet from behind the wheel, then how am I supposed to let everyone know about the accident I just caused?
Great points guys, and seriously, I find that I can better locate my inner Pete Wentz behind the wheel anyway.