The National Hustle

Compared to the ginormous $170 billion apportioned to AIG to provide executive bonus compensation and a couple of other minor things, the $17.4 billion we put into GM and Chrysler’s coffers seems paltry.  Yet it seems as though the Obama administration is riding roughshod over the long-suffering domestic auto manufacturers.  I mean, lay off!  These guys have been going through a lot:

• First they had to deal with the American consumers’ notion that foreign cars were better built and lasted longer (a complete exaggeration, American cars are perfectly engineered… to last exactly 36,001 miles);
• Then came that pesky gas crisis, when $4/gallon gas forced consumers to realize that their Escalade on 24’s wasn’t as good on gas as a Mini Cooper (might explain the meteoric sales increases of Big Dog brand clothing (overcompensation perhaps?));
• Don’t forget that whole national auto sales down 40% from previous years thing;
• And now they have to deal with a new boss… not a CEO, but a CIC! (Commander in Chief)

Obama has very clearly lowered the boom on GM and Chrysler (Ford did not need bailout money) going so far as to remove GM CEO Rich Wagoner after 30 years of service explaining that this is “a recognition that it will take a new vision and new direction to create the GM of the future.”  No offense Mr. President, after all you did correctly choose the Final Four winner, but I don’t think that riding around in the back of an armored General Motors limousine qualifies you to run the company!

And why all the scrutiny?  We don’t care about the $170 billion we gave to AIG, but a tenth of that has you dedicated to push GM into bankruptcy which could lead to the destruction of an American institution?  The President has ordered GM to shrink labor costs, reduce the models available for sale as well as the dealers that sell them, and if possible, get rid of the under performing brands (sorry Hummer and Saturn owners).  Now honestly, I am as shocked as you that I am writing this today in defense of the Big Three.  As a confirmed BMWphile who has also owned four Fords, I can promise you its not because I think the cars are amazing.  But I think that as far as bailouts go, fair is fair.

As far as I am concerned, AIG participated in outright daft if not intentionally deceitful business practices, and they are still allowed to function without ridiculous oversight.  All GM did was build millions of dramatically inefficient light trucks and SUV’s for consumers who wanted to buy them, attempted a sacrifice bunt (sorry, it’s opening week for MLB, finally!) in the small car market (has anyone had the privilege to drive a Cobalt?), and when the market demands shifted they had nothing to sell.  I agree, not smart, but now they have until June 1st in a recessionary auto market to fix their problems, or Washington will declare bankruptcy for them.

I am truly scared, because what is more American than eating apple pie and drinking PBR in the back of your Chevrolet pickup while tailgating at a St. Louis Cardinals game?  Try that in your Honda pickup and we will probably find you with Jimmy Hoffa and Pepsi Clear.

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