A Thousand Miles From Nowhere: How to Rent a Car

I have to admit, we have been a little serious as of late, and I am not referring solely to the erstwhile contributors to this website; our nation has been in a little bit of a funk recently.   Being summarily dispatched by the bat-wielding Samurai of Japan in the recently (thankfully?) concluded World Baseball Classic probably didn’t help matters, but hopefully we can forget our national humiliation by focusing on a great piece of advice from The Camo.   Now my career path does not involve anything so universally misunderstood/reviled as tax preparation unlike my partners’, but seriously after April 15th, when will you ever need to know that information again?

What you will need to know is how to properly rent a car.  As someone who has rented over 3,000 of them while participating in one of the premier national management training programs (and people wonder why I like to partake in a cocktail or two) I am going to teach you step by step how to get the best car for the least amount of money.

• The “Reservation”:  Just so we are clear, making a reservation with a rental car company for a specific class of vehicle does not make it any more likely that the vehicle that you reserved will actually be sitting there than if you just showed up.  A “reservation” is more like a guideline so that a manager of a rental car office will know the expected demand of renters for their office on a certain day and then (either because they are unable to influence these decisions at their lofty level or because they are arrogant pricks (usually both)) will do nothing to achieve these expected demands, like actually have the car you reserved sitting there when you arrive.
• The Reservation continued:  All aspects of making a reservation are closely related to the game of chess.  You already know from the previous section that the car you reserved will not be there.  The ball is in your court, so reserve the smallest car available.  It won’t be there anyway, so the rental car agency will have to scramble to find a solution so that they can “exceed your customer service expectations.”  Which leads us to your opponents best move…
• The Blind Sell Up:  This is a classic.  You have a reservation for a fine Ford Focus or similar vehicle, but when you arrive you are informed that the vehicle you reserved is “getting it’s oil changed,” but will be back momentarily.  Meanwhile, there is a very nice Maxima that “we could get you going in right now for only $10 more per day!”  What a deal, right?  Wrong, wrong, very wrong.  What this exchange actually means is that they don’t have the shitbox you reserved, so they are going to give you that beauty as a FREE UPGRADE if you just let them.
• Insurance:  This is very simple.  Do you have full coverage auto insurance that covers you in any vehicle that you drive?  Yes?  Then you are more than likely covered in a rental car (check with your insurance agent to be certain).  Covered, but like the idea that you could destroy the car and not have to worry about it?  Take the insurance!

As you can see, renting a car can be easy.  With specific questions, please contact The Camo, and as usually, I would be very interested to hear entertaining rental car stories so please leave a comment for us all to enjoy.